hey pretty

Ceci n'est pas une "dating blog."

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

I Buy Fuji

Adrants is reporting that the geniuses over at Kodak have resorted to labeling hottie asses with their corporate logos at tradeshows in order to promote their goods. Kodak, kodak, Kodak. As a world leader in photographic supplies you must know that every action you take to advertise your company plays into your brand image. Yes, having women wear your name on their rumps so that when they bend down in their ridiculously short skirts, your name is on display is a clever move. But isn't it also a reflection on your own values? Doesn't it kinda say that Kodak isn't above a little misogyny if it aims to boost the bottom line (pun intended)? I will leave you to ponder these questions as I quietly move to buying Fuji products instead of yours. Their slide film is superior anyway.

Blah, Blah, Boys, Blah, Blah Dating, Blah, Blah

Yup, looks like its time for another "being single in Washington, D.C." post. It's been a few weeks, we're clearly over-due.

Some thoughts.

1.) Do people in this city date anymore? It could just be me, but I feel like relations between the young and the single have taken a decided turn towards the uber-casual lately. I feel like not terribly long ago, I would meet a boy, he'd ask for my number, he'd call two days later, we'd go out for drinks, etc, etc. Lather, rinse, repeat. I won't get even go into the typical disasters that were likely to occur after that. Let's just say it wasn't pretty so I took myself out of play for a while. But now...what the fuck happened? Now, it's entirely possible that I have lost my datability, but I'm coming to be convinced that dating has fallen out of vogue in this city. Now the majority of the relations I hear about and experience fall into the "oh gosh, I didn't know you hang out at *this bar* every weekend! Walk you home? Sure, wouldn't want something bad to happen to you on that one block trip..." Most of my friends are either "in relationships" or single. I hardly know anyone who regularly dates. Probably because you'd have to be insane to put up with that bullshit. But I would be curious to hear from people who do "date" and if they actually enjoy it.

2.) This city is really fucking small. How is it that I could randomly meet a boy at a bar, go home with him, play the "I'm not that kind of girl card" (Doris Day would seriously have been proud), blow off his calls, only to learn two months later that an acquaintance met him online and is now dating him? Even worse was having to fucking avoid him at a house party this weekend. He lived in Virginia. Yet another reason to erect a barricade between D.C. and the suburbs.

3.) I finally fixed my iBook, which froze when trying to download the new iTunes. Wait, that has nothing to do with being single in D.C. Okay, but it's important nonetheless.

4.) I just learned that there are people in the world who have never used Friendster to obtain more information about the boy they met the night before whose bed they may or may not have slept in. If you are fortunate enough to remember his name, I highly recommend conducting a little Friendster background check the next morning. Yes, the service lost its excitement in 2003, but it can be handy at times. It is especially to confirm a person's singleness, and to confirm character by reading testimonials. And yes boys, women do this. So do us a favor and keep your profile up to date and interesting to read. If we're going to hate you the next morning for inviting us home when you actually have a girlfriend who lives in Witchitaw, at least have a clever profile to keep us occupied at work for five minutes.

Time to get some work done to justify the raise I received yesterday. Just think how successful I'd be if I'd actually focus on my career...

5.) One more thing regarding Friendster. I know it's mighty tempting to write testimonials for people, especially people who you just met who you have a crush on. But, let's employ a bit of foresite here. In six months will you still think this person is "cute", "witty", or that they "rock"? Are you sure? No really, this person? I'm just saying that it's not entirely impossible that one day you may regret having gone on record as having publically admitted to thinking these things about said individual. An ounce of self-restraint is worth tons of future self esteem points in the end. Don't say I didn't warn you.

6.) I thought I was done talking about Friendster. One more thing: Under the relationship status field they have added a new option called "It's Complicated." How very funny in a jaded-20-something sort of way. Easier than confronting your situation and deciding once and for all what it actually is, I suppose. Regardless, I still kind of like it.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Hey Pretty Receives Shout-Out, Pays Shout-Out Forward

We're famous! Not really, but I did do a little leap of joy and squeal like a total dork when I saw that Hey Pretty was quoted on DC Blogs today. Happy Reading.

And, Hey Pretty would like to extend a belated congratulations to the Musical Guru for taking the scary step of proposing to his girlfriend Erin. The two are officially getting hitched.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Friday. Again.

Damn, where did this week go?

I have the worst writer's block ever today, thereby preventing me from making much progress on either work deliverables or this thing I'm supposed to write for the art event I'm serving as publicist for. I am begining to see why great writers are insane. Having a jumble of words and ideas in your head and not being able to spew them out effectively is the most frustrating thing on earth.

Since I can't effectively form a sentence today, I wanted to let my dear readers know about my friends who are selling one-of-a-kind tee shirts in Adams Morgan tomorrow. I haven't seen them but I'm sure they're bee-you-tee-ful. Here are the details:

Perhaps you remember us from one of our T-shirt sales in Mt. Pleasant or Adams Morgan. Or maybe you saw some of our fabulous t-shirt designs -- locally grown and hand screenprinted -- at Junction on U Street. Well, with the holiday season upon us we have decided to participate in the Western Market Holiday Night Bazaar in Adams Morgan.

If you are still looking for some unique holiday presents come out to the Night Bazaar this Saturday. We have new designs on both long and short sleeve shirts.

A number of other vendors are participating so you'll be able to browse through booths of jewelry, photography, clothing, knick-knacks, and tchotchke. There will also be live music and hot drinks available.

Hope to see you there!

Western Market Holiday Night Bazaar
Saturday, December 17th
Noon - 10 p.m.
18th St. & Wyoming Ave.
Marie Reed Rec Center Plaza

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

My Urban Kris Kringle

I saw Santa on the metro this morning. First car of the Red Line train to Glenmont, 7:40 am. He was sitting in one of those seats reserved for seniors or disabled persons, head back, eyes closed, distended belly, large frame resting against the person next to him. He was wearing a blue work shirt, khakis and his signature red hat--the floppy red velvet one with the white pom-pom. I guess he was saving his official uniform for the big night. His beard was white and tinged with a bit of yellow--perhaps from the cigars that he sneaks when Mrs. Claus isn't looking and it turned up a bit at his chin. He dozed almost oblivious to his fellow passengers, who were equally nonchalant of his presence. They say that he lives at the North Pole where he maintains his shop and oversees his worker elves (hopefully all unionized by now). But I don't believe that's true. I think he maintains a constant presence in the city, weaving his way among mortals so jaded from seeing rip-off department store Santa's that they can't even recognize the real thing when they see him cat-napping on the metro. The trained chugged into Metro center, lurching and breaking in its usual manner down the platform, sending three women in impractical stiletto-healed boots careening into the older gentlemen in camel overcoats, reading the newspaper--pink paper, must have been the Financial Times-- who looked annoyed by the interruption but only for a second because after all, how often do they enjoy such close proximity to such pretty young things? Santa's eyes clicked open as if commanded by a switch. They met mine for a second and I held his gaze long enough to note their color--a pale, thin blue, like water and somewhat pained. Was Santa not a morning person either? Does he simply not like the metro? Was he letting his reindeer rest-up for the big night? He arose from his seat and exited the train, the absorbed by the mob of commuters in the station. I was left to contemplate these questions and it occurred to me that it is officially Christmas.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Friday Diversions

So it's Friday and some friends of mine are finding creative ways to fill in the gap between their last few hours of productivity and the hour when weekend fun can officially commence. Here's the game: Pretend that the show Friends is set not on in Greenwhich Village, but instead Capital Hill. The main characters are of course, hill staffers and unemployed campaigners. Your objective is to come up with titles of potential episodes. As with Friends, each episode title must start with the phrase "The One Where..."

Here are some that we've come up with so far. You're welcome to play along.

"The One Where Everyone Spends The Whole Evening at the Pour House...
"The One Where That Guy Bangs His Intern"
"The One Where Everyone is Judged By How Important Their Boss Is"
"The One Where T-Coast Erupts Into A Full-On Red-Blue Knife Fight"
"The One Where That Chick Gets Fired for Blogging About Banging Her Boss"
"The One Where The Guy Dumps the Girl For Not Having an Important Job"
"The One Where Brooks Brothers Closes"

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Creative New Use of Insulating Spray Foam Window and Door Sealant

I love products designed to make our homes more energy efficient and nicer to live in. I especially love them when they're made of caustic chemicals that you get to spray out of cans. So it comes as no surprise that I should fall in love with DAPtex Window and Door Sealant, a genius spray foam invention that shoots out of a can at a very high velocity and immediately expands to a million times its original size. We have a can of the stuff at home, I think because one of my roomies thought it would be good for sealing window cracks before realizing that its application is permanent and applying it to our sills would mean never experiencing the joy of fresh air in our house ever again. So it's just been sitting around for a while waiting for the day when it could once again be considered useful.

Well that day came yesterday when I realized its potential to re-secure the hooks that used to hold my ancient bed together. Without getting too personal, let's just say that it's developed a habit of squeaking during inopportune moments and that has prompted me to take it apart in favor for having my mattress and box spring on the floor. (As an aside I should mention that for a while I was unsure where the noise was coming from, but a quick Google search revealed that squeaks in wooden bed frames are mostly caused by faulty connections at the places where the frame comes together.)

At first I was happy with this arrangement, but recently being closer to the clutter on my floor and the simple fact that I don't have a bed has started to make me feel like a depressive, disorganized, poor neo-bohemian. Like I should ditch my space heater and warm flannel shirts for rags and a bad absinthe habit. Plus, I really miss the awesome storage opportunities that beds give you. It's like having another closet. So, I was determined to fix the squeaking problem and return to the world of grown-ups who own furniture. Since the structure of the hooks and the frame pieces made it so I could not re-secure anything, I realized that what the hooks needed to stay in place was a sturdy adhesive. Perhaps something that can spray into a tight space at a small volume and expand while drying. Something sturdy. Something...could it be? Something like insulating spray foam window and door adhesive? I felt a little guilty about using it for a purpose where I'd really be the only roommate benefiting it, as it was purchased with communal funds. But I quickly got over that once I saw what a genius idea this was. Yes, it was messy and the Jack Daniels I pounded several hours earlier at the PH probably didn't help matters. But I was able to keep most of the mess under control and re-secured the hooks with little incident. Eight hours later, when I awoke from a sleep punctuated by dreams no doubt inspired by inhaling sealant chemicals, I found the good had dried and the hooks were more firmly intact than I could ever remember. I will reassemble everything tonight and hope its fixed for good. The moral of this story--sometimes the best ideas are the ones you have when tipsy at 11:00 pm and sometimes the products you already love surprise you in new and wonderful ways.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Soundtrack to a Prolonged Weekend of Drinking at the Pour House

So it's Sunday afternoon and you find yourself at the Pour House AGAIN, having been distracted AGAIN from going home. Nurse your hangover with some whisky, pool, football and tunes from the juke.

In no particular order...

Garbage: I'm Only Happy When it Rains
The Strokes: Soma
The Smiths: Girlfriend in a Coma
The Cure: In Between Days
Ramones: Sheena is a Punk Rocker
Sonic Youth: Teenage Riot
The Killers: Change Your Mind
Run DMC: Walk This Way
U2: Sunday Bloody Sunday
David Bowie: Rebel Rebel
Stone Roses: I Wanna Be Adored
Beatles: Come Together
Anything by Morrissey
Some Pogues.

*all songs guaranteed to be featured in the Pour House jukebox.

Music to listen to when blogging about it: The Shins: Chutes too Narrow, although Spoon: Girls Can Tell would probably suffice.

Friday, December 02, 2005


-Said by John Hagner last night at the Pour House to a Republican claiming to be both pro-choice and pro-gay marriage: "You can't be pro-choice and pro-gay marriage and be a Republican. That's like being a Nazi and liking Jews."

-Does hooking up with men legitimize their crummy behavior?

-Would being a tease be better?

-I can't decide if the shirt I am wearing is really interesting and hip or just incredibly ugly and weird. Edited, because perhaps you are wondering what said shirt looks like. Well then. It is black silk with small polka dots and is dolman shaped (if you don't know what that is, Google it. I have no time for your sartorial ignorance) with bell sleeves. It also crosses over in the front to form a rather low V-neck. On the plus side, it emphasizes my small waist, makes my breasts look ample but not obscenely so, and hides my arm flab. I am wearing it with nice black pants from Ann Taylor and black boots. I have a tight short-sleeved black sweater in my bag that I am prepared to change into. Shirt was purchased at Nana on U Street, where I was pressured into buying it from sales girl who now loves me because I once dropped over 300 at once there. Would beloved sales girl dare lead me astray? I stress because today is our office Holiday party and I'm sure all the other girls will be wearing fitted little jackets over camisoles with some form of pant. Far be it from me to just conform to the unspoken girl dress code. No, I must make it overly complicated. I also just realized that there is a significant chance that I look like a male figure skater in it.

-Taking a shower when you get home from the bar doesn't do much to prevent a hangover but you do feel much nicer when you initially wake up.

-Lastly, I really hate the phrase "I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit." 1. It is gross 2. It is not funny.

-Lastly agin, I recently realized that the majority of my female friends are well-endowed in the chest area. Isn't that interesting?

Why Camille Paglia Must Be Stopped

"I for one do not dance to dance music; disco for me is a lofty metaphysical mode that induces contemplation."