Justin Bobby, WTF?
Much has been spoken in recent months regarding the alleged Lauren Conrad/Jason Whaler video tape; if it even exists; who leaked the idea of it; how the idea of it ended Conrad's friendship with former BBF Heidi Montag; and how the idea of it will shape Season 3 of Conrad's MTV "reality" show, The Hills.
But for me this season, the most fascinating aspect of the Hills as got to be the enigma that is Justin Bobby. For those uninitiated into the spectacular train wreck that is the Hills, allow me to explain. Justin Bobby is a former paramour of one of the show's leading women. He has recently re-entered her life and is trying to win back her affections. But that isn't what makes Justin Bobby the perplexingly fascinating male specimen that he is. No, Justin Bobby is an enigma wrapped in a riddle, shrouded by mystery simply for the shear way in which he inhabits his Justin Bobby-ness. Let's break him down.
1.) His name is Justin, yet his friends call him Bobby. Interesting, why is this? It's not as if the word "Bobby" has anything to do with the word "Justin." Moreover, Justin announced this fact to Lauren and her friend Lo as if it made all the sense in the world and didn't require further explanation. Was Justin Bobby purposely being opaque, or is he simply too stupid to understand that this real name-nickname dissonance needed additional elucidation? Regardless, Lauren and Lo christened him Justin Bobby and it seems rather clear to me that a phenomenon has been born.
2.) His look. With his mangy chin length hair, big eyes, and knit cap, Justin Bobby seems to be channeling some sort of Jared Leto/Kurt Cobain persona. Were this 1994 I would completely get it, as that look was definitely the paradigm for male attractiveness in many circles. But this being 2007, I thought we were over that. Unless of course, Justin Bobby is seeking to revive grunge, something that I myself have been secretly praying for. In addition to really loving me some crunchy, loud, melodic hard rock music, I miss the days of being considered fashion-forward for my love of flannel. Francis Bean Cobain however, is rapidly reaching an age where she could have influence over the cultural zeitgeist, so I will cross my fingers that she comes through for me in the event that Justin Bobby drops the ball. Anyway, Justin Bobby doesn't strike me as particularly cute or hot. But he's a character on The Hills, which is all about promoting glitz and glamour, so perhaps I'm just not plugged into what is considered cute and hot anymore.
3.) His delivery. He meets Audrina for dinner, and claims to not understand the menu. Is Justin Bobby too stupid to understand a restaurant menu, or is he carefully cultivating an image of casual cool defined by the fact that he is way above reading menus and simply cannot be bothered?
It is my goal to answer these questions. It is therefore with pleasure that I announce my intention to embark on a several month-long research initiative to probe and explore the endless depths that is Justin Bobby. I vow to watch every episode of the Hills and analyze every sentence uttered by this young man until I can fully answer and explain all of which I have just presented to you.
In other news, did you read about this?
And...I just received a spam email with the subject line, They Dived Head-downwards off of it, howling frantically. Wow.
In the comments section, tell me what your take on Justin Bobby is.