hey pretty

Ceci n'est pas une "dating blog."

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Justin Bobby, WTF?

Much has been spoken in recent months regarding the alleged Lauren Conrad/Jason Whaler video tape; if it even exists; who leaked the idea of it; how the idea of it ended Conrad's friendship with former BBF Heidi Montag; and how the idea of it will shape Season 3 of Conrad's MTV "reality" show, The Hills.

But for me this season, the most fascinating aspect of the Hills as got to be the enigma that is Justin Bobby. For those uninitiated into the spectacular train wreck that is the Hills, allow me to explain. Justin Bobby is a former paramour of one of the show's leading women. He has recently re-entered her life and is trying to win back her affections. But that isn't what makes Justin Bobby the perplexingly fascinating male specimen that he is. No, Justin Bobby is an enigma wrapped in a riddle, shrouded by mystery simply for the shear way in which he inhabits his Justin Bobby-ness. Let's break him down.

1.) His name is Justin, yet his friends call him Bobby. Interesting, why is this? It's not as if the word "Bobby" has anything to do with the word "Justin." Moreover, Justin announced this fact to Lauren and her friend Lo as if it made all the sense in the world and didn't require further explanation. Was Justin Bobby purposely being opaque, or is he simply too stupid to understand that this real name-nickname dissonance needed additional elucidation? Regardless, Lauren and Lo christened him Justin Bobby and it seems rather clear to me that a phenomenon has been born.

2.) His look. With his mangy chin length hair, big eyes, and knit cap, Justin Bobby seems to be channeling some sort of Jared Leto/Kurt Cobain persona. Were this 1994 I would completely get it, as that look was definitely the paradigm for male attractiveness in many circles. But this being 2007, I thought we were over that. Unless of course, Justin Bobby is seeking to revive grunge, something that I myself have been secretly praying for. In addition to really loving me some crunchy, loud, melodic hard rock music, I miss the days of being considered fashion-forward for my love of flannel. Francis Bean Cobain however, is rapidly reaching an age where she could have influence over the cultural zeitgeist, so I will cross my fingers that she comes through for me in the event that Justin Bobby drops the ball. Anyway, Justin Bobby doesn't strike me as particularly cute or hot. But he's a character on The Hills, which is all about promoting glitz and glamour, so perhaps I'm just not plugged into what is considered cute and hot anymore.

3.) His delivery. He meets Audrina for dinner, and claims to not understand the menu. Is Justin Bobby too stupid to understand a restaurant menu, or is he carefully cultivating an image of casual cool defined by the fact that he is way above reading menus and simply cannot be bothered?

It is my goal to answer these questions. It is therefore with pleasure that I announce my intention to embark on a several month-long research initiative to probe and explore the endless depths that is Justin Bobby. I vow to watch every episode of the Hills and analyze every sentence uttered by this young man until I can fully answer and explain all of which I have just presented to you.

In other news, did you read about this?

And...I just received a spam email with the subject line, They Dived Head-downwards off of it, howling frantically. Wow.

In the comments section, tell me what your take on Justin Bobby is.

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Blogger recovering overachiever said...

I thought the same thing, Justin Bobby, wtf?
I have a friend named Jeff, yet his childhood friends call him Tommy. No explaination, they just do.
Is this a trend?
Hi, my name is X, but all my friends call me AABBCCDD.

6:11 PM  
Anonymous photobugchick said...

Honestly, he creeps me out.

I mean he didn't even pretend to smile or smirk with LC and Lo christened him "Justin Bobby", in fact I felt he may have been offended.

Maybe it IS a new nickname trend and he is leading the train....

6:56 PM  
Blogger lizzie said...

ha! justin bobby so walked out of 1994.

my boyfriend has a friend named john. except people call him star. for the longest time, i thought that was his real name.

the boo also has another friend that everyone calls rusty. his real name is something else but it eludes me now. all i remember is that his real name has nothing to do with 'rusty.'

7:08 PM  
Blogger Tilly said...

JustinBobby can't really last ALL season, can he? I mean, in the always-educational and exciting clip of what's to come this season, LC was seen wiping away a pretty little tear from Audrina's mascara'd-eye while she confesses, "I just can't do this anymore!" Therefore, JustinBobby is a heartbreaker. CLEARLY. I mean, he rides a MOTORCYCLE. And wears v-neck t-shirts. So there's that.

7:47 PM  
Anonymous charlotteharris said...

I think your Justin Bobby analysis (he doesn't sit quite right with me either) is a perfect ruse of an excuse to watch The Hills all season! That's OK, I secretly can't wait to find out what happens next week too.

7:51 PM  
Anonymous owen said...

i can't express to you how happy i am that my favorite blog is now writing about my favorite (or at least one of my favorite) tv shows. 1) i love lo. she's a complete sweetheart and i'm glad to have her back. 2) this justin bobby guy is absolutely absurd for all the reasons pointed out already.

loosely related: any chance to get coverage of newport harber (the "new" laguna beach) too? i think that the main character, chrissy, having such protective parents could make things interesting.

8:06 PM  
Blogger mysterygirl! said...

JustinBobby! Yay! I'm hoping that they were at a French (or some other non-American) restaurant and that's why he couldn't understand the menu.

I agree that his appearance is not what I expected. When they showed him enter the apartment, I thought that he'd have a model-gorgeous face, since models are allowed to wear the clothes/accessories that JustinBobby did. And I kind of love that he's been introduced as having poor social skills, including not being nice to Lo and LC and once abandoning Audrina in Vegas. Hott! I don't think he's long for the series.

9:26 PM  
Anonymous Jenn said...

ugh Justin Bobby is too gorgeous
So chill, so relaxed, reminds me of a few of my friends.
And the whole nickname thing isn't a trend, wtf?
In Jamaica, which I guess I am, people have names like that all the time. Who knows?
My cousin but uncle type figure's name is Devon, but everyone calls him George, so I just call him Devon George.
And Justing Bobby didn't seem so offended as he seemed just like "Whatever" with saying "You can call me whatever you want." And he seemed nice enough, Audrina was just going to bring him in the room I guess to look at the cat but he went over and introduced himself to Lauren and Lauren. I hope Justin Bobby stays in here for a while because.... ugh he's gorgeous

2:19 PM  
Blogger EJ Takes Life said...

A major Justin Bobby question I have concerns inertia. Audrina claims he's trying to win her back, but really, have we seen any sign of this? We see them grunting at each other over dinner, and then grunting at each other in the apartment. I can't even believe that he once had the initiative and the physical energy to take her to Las Vegas, much less less dinner. He just... sits. And grunts.

This is such a classic guy-girl phenomenon, it kills me. The guy lifts a pinky to indicate he might want to have sex with her, and the girl is all "what does it meeeean? i wish i knew what he thoooought. he has a hard time expressing himself!"

4:20 PM  
Anonymous Tbeard said...

1. His nickname is bobby cause he's the best actor among his friends like Bobby Deniro.

2. His look should be obvious its classic Johnny Depp, the hat the white shirt and the motorcycle

8:21 PM  
Anonymous kay said...

I definitely see the Johnny Depp resemblance; he acts and talks just like him.

Personally, I think he reminds me of a typical LA hipster, but I dont even know if he's from LA.

As for meeting Lo and Lauren, he probably just doesnt have the same sense of humor as they do. I've met some people who have a very sarcastic, dry humor... it's not necessarily a bad thing (except it's hard to know how to react to people like that - as we saw with Lo and Lauren: they wondered whether or not they offended him).

I'm just as intrigued but maybe because he's DIFFERENT from the rest of these pretty boys on this show. I have a feeling Justin Bobby is gonna let me down though; judging by the previews of the upcoming season, he seems to be a big jerk... but for now I'll try to give him a chance.

10:34 PM  
Blogger Arrogant said...

Hilarious take on that asshat.

12:41 AM  
Blogger gn said...

Bahaha this is great. I think everyone watching that episode thought a collective "WTF?"

Also: He rides a motorcycle.

2:41 AM  
Blogger Maia said...

Justin Bobby is all of Johnny Depp's characters incarnated!

I call him Johnny Bobby!

4:55 PM  
Anonymous The Real Justin Bobby said...

Hey guys,
this is Justin Bobby. My real name is Mark Justin Bobby Trendy. I know some of you think i'm weird but deal with it. Like a blogger here said, I ride a bike and wear V neck t shirts. How can anyone who does those two things not be cool? Seriously, my 7 o'clock shadow and the way i whip my hair with my hands is enough to put me in coolness category. The bike and V necks are just the icing on the cake. Audrina is pregnant with my child. We're getting married next summer. I'm naming the child Bustin Jobby..no matter if it's a boy or a girl. Bustin Jobby is a beautiful name...beautiful like my eyes glaring into yours. Beautiful like the mystery I am..so mysterious, so unknown. Anyway, i gotta go. Audrina is laying in my bed right now waiting for me to go balls deep in her ass.

Justin Bobby

7:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No, I am the real Justin Bobby! They call me Bobby..because that is how I landed a spot on the show. See Justin Bobby all up and down on the execs laps.

7:27 PM  
Anonymous Dagne said...

JustinBobby is such a Johnny Depp stan, it's not even funny. I don't even know how Hey Pretty missed it. I wish I had the energy to do a side by side. Too lethargic plus I hate myself for watching The Hills.

8:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He's annoying, burps alot, doesnt seem to care about what anyone thinks of him...case and point Lo, LC, and he seems careless. Like he is trying to toy with Audrina's heart and she is falling for it. And he seemed so high during their date. FOR EVERYONE'S INFORMATION: He couldnt read the menu at Cobra and Matador (or whatever the name of the resturant is) because it is mostly traditoinal tapas and they probably dont have translations, so it is stuff like Garocha and Lomo Embuchado, or something along those lines. Either that or he is a dumbass. How much would it suck to have people analyzing you on a blog, people who don't even know you!

8:24 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Hey Pretty! I insist that the Justin Bobby research continue. You assessment is SO on. BTW- I looked up the restaurant menu on line and the ones I found were all primarily in English. Is the Hills going to be what 21 Jump Street was to his doppleganger, Johnny Depp?

9:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Justin Bobby just looks like he sweats the nuts of Brandon Boyd from Incubus. uughhh. And he is soo effing arrogant and rude. Get over yourself, man. Take a shower. We all know that you just want to have sex with Audrina, who is too stupid to realize this until it will probably be too late, and in later episodes, we'll see her crying into the arms of LC. Justin, Bobby, JB, whatever...someone give him some money for a haircut, some new clothes, and his own identity...oh wait, The Hills is already providing money to him, go figure....sounds like Jason...

4:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Justin Bobby.....hmmm...he looks like Johnny Deep...which isnt abad thing. But how the heck did he the nick name Bobby?? I mean Justin has nothing to do with Bobby or vice versa. I think he needs a attitude change (thatcmay take a while) so a haircut will do in the mean time in the meantime.

3:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


3:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

p.s in case any of you didnt wath the hills after show JUSTIN BOBBY IS A HAIR STYLIST.

3:56 PM  
Blogger XMP said...

my theory is that Justin Bobby is one of River Phoenix' friends from My Own Private Idaho. He too has narcolepsy, and actually just recently woke up from 1991. Hence the grunge style.

I've been considering picking up a ticket to fly from DC to LA, just so I can punch him in the face. And then I'm coming for Spencer. Might even punch both simultaneously with 2 fists if possible.

8:32 PM  
Blogger betsy said...

Justin Bobby is great TV. You couldn't write a better character. I love this season already.

12:31 AM  
Blogger Katherine said...

Personally I think Justin Bobby is incredibly sexy, and I think he is a nice change of pace to the Hills. He is sexy, mysterious, and completely "out-there" which completely juxtaposes the rest of the hills characters. Granted he is a bad boy, but his a hot bad boy...and i like it :)

1:42 AM  

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