Too Cool 4 School
This is the second take of this post. My first attempt was so vomitous I had no choice but to delete most of it and begin again from scratch. Here goes.
On Friday at the blogger happy hour, Arjewtino remarked to me that if I ever found myself in a settled relationship it would be his loss because the quality of my blog would suffer as a result. Not because I'd be so busy with all those long walks on the beach at sunset, hand-holding, and gazing deeply into the eyes of my love. No, because most of the punchiness and humor in my writing seems inspired by the men in my life. As hurt as I am that he is so quick to discount my posts on such subjects as limbo and trashy reality television, he does have a point. Hell hath no comedy like a woman with a blog scorned. Not to worry, I am as single today as I was the last time I checked in. Okay yes, some stuff went down on Saturday with a certain so-and-so but that's the kind of material best saved for "dear diary" and bragging to my closest friends. Mostly.
The situation with this particular so-and-so has been all kinds of ambiguous since it began. For a while I had even thrown in the towel because it no longer seemed worth the agony I was subjecting myself to. But having adopted a new and improved, I-no-longer-really-care-what-happens-with-this-individual stance recently, I dove back in. A better part of the weekend was spent splashing happily around in newer, clearer waters.
The feeling that I have nothing to lose often makes me a bit brazen. Brazen enough for instance, to ask my gentlemen friends questions like "Why did it take you six weeks to put a move on me when we first started hanging out?" I'm accustomed to a lot of rationales intended to explain puzzling male behavior. But this one threw me for a loop. His answer: Because I didn't think you were that into it.
ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Seriously?
This is ironic in so many ways. Particularly because I was so deeply "into it" that I have pretty much bored any and everyone who I have told stories about him to. My friends simply roll their eyes now when I mention him in conversation.
But it seems that in my attempts to not "scare him away" or whatever, I came off as too cool and aloof. How that could be the case when I kissed him at the end of our first date is beyond me. He said the kiss was confusing. Uh huh. Right.
There are many ways to react to this information. Part of me is amused at how two people can read a situation in such radically different lights. Another thinks he may be the type who is only turned on to somebody if they're a challenge. He only likes what he can't have, and convincing himself that he couldn't have me was his way of keeping himself interested. I don't know what that says about a person. In fact, it could be a little disturbing.
I'm completely unclear on what comes next. His track record for behaving in a normal, adult manner is shoddy at best. But having realized that he has zero personality beyond the sarcastic quips, I am no longer trying to make him my boyfriend. Sometimes you just have to recognize that a hot guy who occasionally makes you laugh is only good for one thing.
But back to the blogger HH. Given some of the drama that's been going down within the scene in recent months, I had developed a bit of an allergy to these things. But I mostly had a wonderful time. I met some nice people, drank soda, smoked a couple cigarettes. I would have stayed longer, but one of my roommates was having a going away thing to mark his return to London, and I wanted to see him off. That, and because a fellow blogger said something rather shitty to me and I didn't feel like being in the same space as said person and making a graceful exit seemed the best response to the situation. Next time, I promise to stay longer.