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Ceci n'est pas une "dating blog."

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Yet Another Open House

Tonight we have to once again open the doors of our home to total strangers, and hope that two of them will turn out to be good roommate potential. Yup, two of my roommates are moving out. One, a scientist who has been working at the NIH is moving back to England because his Visa is up, and the other is moving in with his girlfriend. I have mixed feelings about the latter's departure.

I've told you about him before--the wonderful roommate who had been many things to me, until ultimately embodying the form of a wonderful person to live with. I've already told you how much I love coming home to him, how despite the fact that we never quite consummated a romantic relationship, that we nonetheless sometimes lightheartedly spar like old lovers. That we tease each other for no reason, that there's this wonderful unspoken *thing* that I can't even describe--simply the end result of having endured a bit of emotional trauma and emerging in one piece.

I'm happy for him that his relationship with his girlfriend is so solid and strong. They seem extremely well matched and very "right" for one another. But my selfish heart is worried. I've seen male friends get swallowed into the miasma of live-in relationships, and they tend to become practically dead to their single, female friends. The combination of male friend+cohabitation with girlfriend=one less friend for HP.

Until now it's been easy to maintain a friendship. Whenever I wanted to see him, I'd pop into the TV room where he'd no doubt be watching some God-awful 80's low- budget kung fu movie. But now, living with the GF, I know things will be different. Although she and I get along fine, we've never really clicked. Objectively, I know she's a great girl, but I'm a jealous Scorpio and I resent her just a teeny bit. After all, he and I were batting around the word "relationship" when she entered the picture. I don't know what GF knows about our history, but I certainly have my reasons for not getting overly chummy with her.

Right now, all of our hanging out is spontaneous and sporadic. It takes place in the kitchen, while he makes me coffee on weekends that the GF isn't around, or in the dining room on a Sunday morning as he catches me sneaking in from being out the night before and I entertain him with stories that remind him what it's like to be single and lose. There's no real effort and that's what worries me.

I can deal with not living with him, but what worries me is the fact that we won't be friends at all anymore, that our friendship will reveal itself to only have been relevant within the context of one building. A lot of my friendships have evolved in ways that I'm not particularly happy with in recent months. Although I have certainly gained many wonderful new companions, these snags in the fabric of my social life continue to unsettle me. I'm not looking forward to experiencing another one.

So tonight we will open our doors and commence the search to replace somebody utterly irreplaceable.



Anonymous 123Valerie said...

Kate, Venus is moving into Gemini today, so meeting new folks that we click with on a "friend" level is much more likely for the next 30 days or so.

Good things ahead, my dear.

4:27 PM  
Anonymous zandria said...

That sucks. You're right about what happens to male friends when they move in with their girlfriends (at least some of them, not all). Have you mentioned your feelings to him? Maybe he'd be able to reassure you that he's still interested in hanging out. You'd just have to make that extra effort. It's definitely much easier to have him right there, though. :(

6:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel. (I find myself saying this a lot in your comments section. I have a male friend that I was close to -- also with a past history, but never a relationship -- with whom I now have only a tangential relationship. He's married, but had been co-habitating for a good while before that. I've been told it's an inevitable truth of women who are single with lots of guy friends. We're intimidating to the GFs, so they don't like their men hanging out with us. My best defense has always been a good offense with this one. Become great friends with the GF. Then you're good to go because you have the friend pact of never making a move on her man.

6:42 PM  
Blogger Matt said...

Hewlett Packard,

Okay, I really want to find HER blog and see what she writes about YOU!


7:13 PM  
Blogger honeykbee said...

Wow, "miasma". That's impressive!

8:46 PM  

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