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Ceci n'est pas une "dating blog."

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The Ties That Bind. And Unbind.

It's time to accept the fact that as of Friday, I will be a stepchild.

It feels odd that age 30 I am inheriting a stepmother. Thankfully, my father already told my mom about the whole thing, and she accepted and processed the information in a surprisingly gracious manner and is now instructing me on how to do likewise.

According to my mom, the proper etiquette for acquiring an adult-onset stepmother is to inquire when her birthday is, and always send her a card to memorialize the day. You are also, apparently, supposed to send a card congratulating her on her new marriage. It is also important to note that this cards must be hand written on paper stock with neat penmanship, rather than the electronic alternative. See, I knew there was a reason why I have that box of stationary engraved with my full name sitting around somewhere.

Somebody totally needs to write a book about this. Screw chick lit. Stepmother how-to guides are obviously a goldmine of uncharted literary territory waiting to be tapped.

Mr. 46 is being extremely helpful regarding this whole development. Last night in the midst of complaining about everything, he sent me a suggestive text message which I responded to all in a huff because it struck me as insensitive that in the middle of a personal crisis he's discussing nudity. But he apologized. And then this morning when I arrived at work there was a splendid and wonderful email from him truly apologizing again and saying that when he put himself in my shoes to reflect upon what he had said, he instantly felt terrible.

Listen up men! If you screw up and need to make it right with your lady, that is ALL you have to say. You can also say that you were wrong, but expressing your empathy (write that word down and learn it) is essential.

I've always been a big believer in the whole "everything happens for a reason" school of thought. And while sometimes things happen that are random and violent and completely unnecessary, I still tend to adhere to the idea that people come in and out of your life for a reason. Right now, I feel surrounded by individuals who are teaching me all sorts of interesting lessons--mainly ones about how to be a more patient, optimistic, generous person. People who love me for my cynicism and cautiousness, but who are for some reason invested in me to the point where the want to help make me a better person. I don't understand why it's all happening now, but I suppose the answer will be clearer to me later.

Mr. 46 for example, has taught me a slew of interesting new things and we've only known one another a few days (although he's debating that point, preferring to say that it's been two years. I vacillate, myself). For instance: people need to make their own mistakes and learn their own lessons. Otherwise they never learn. I suppose I have believed that for a while haven't fully appreciated it until recently. And also, that sometimes you can be in a relationship with a person where you feel utterly natural being completely open and honest about everything. Like, not being so wouldn't even occur to you because being open and honest is simply how you *are* with one another. Believe me, not having to be all calculating about communication is a very weird thing for me.

But here's a question I have. Let's say you meet somebody and then you don't see them for two years. Is it possible that during that hiatus you were connected to one another in a way that you weren't aware of?

Ack! My new relationship is turning me into a hippy! Can you believe I just wrote that? Be glad I didn't have the moxy to utter it out loud. Lord help me, I think I might need an intervention.


Blogger Lickety Split said...

I would say "no" in response to whether or not you maintained a connection in absentia however, I do think that your subconscience did a lot more processing during the initial meeting than you thought...so when he re-appeared..you were primed and hit the ground running.

Sounds like a neat guy.

9:29 PM  
Blogger Belle said...

Whether you were connected on some deep subconscious level during the last two years or not, if you have someone in your life with whom you don't have to play BS games and with whom you feel completely comfortable being open... That's fantastic for you! Try to focus on exploring that! It's much too rare.

12:33 AM  

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