hey pretty

Ceci n'est pas une "dating blog."

Thursday, October 26, 2006

It's About Time

How women perceive it: I haven't talked to him in 6 days, 7 hours, and 43 minutes. I called him exactly two days ago to this minute and he hasn't responded. What could possibly be wrong?

How men perceive it: Huh. It's been a couple days. 'Should probably call woman.

10 Comments:

Blogger Frankly, Scarlett said...

He's got family stuff goin on :-(

In the meantime keep yourself occupied with someone...er...someTHING else?

5:32 PM  
Blogger Hey Pretty said...

Yes, he does. But I feel that this post, in addition to my last several, can be applied generally to many other man/boy situations as well. Not at all specific to you-know-who.

5:51 PM  
Blogger recovering overachiever said...

I know exactly how that feels.

When I'm really agonizing, I'll set up a time that I'm allowed to call (say 2 hours/days from now) and then try to stay as busy before and after that time as possible.

It's rough though. Boys are much better at keeping themselves occupied.

6:17 PM  
Blogger Dave S. said...

I can't explain why - but you're totally right. Under certain instances, I figure guys perceive "no action" as not harming anything. For example, he's not doing anything, so why should anything change while he's preoccupied with this other issue. Whereas, for women, no action counts as explicit inactivity, which is certainly a harming item.

Still, it would be nice to know what when things get stressful, he'd feel comfortable calling you for support or to distract himself from those tough events.

- DS

7:26 PM  
Blogger Dave S. said...

I can't explain why - but you're totally right. Under certain instances, I figure guys perceive "no action" as not harming anything. For example, he's not doing anything, so why should anything change while he's preoccupied with this other issue. Whereas, for women, no action counts as explicit inactivity, which is certainly a harming item.

Still, it would be nice to know what when things get stressful, he'd feel comfortable calling you for support or to distract himself from those tough events.

- DS

7:27 PM  
Blogger Hey Pretty said...

Yes. DS totally nailed it. It's not that I normally obsess about phone calls. It's more, if I feel there might be reason to worry, I worry. And not receiving communication only compounds that.

7:32 PM  
Blogger Ryane said...

hahahaha--That's funny...and sadly often very true.

12:40 PM  
Blogger Enoreios said...

I hate for my first post to be anything less than 100% supportive, but, while we men might be dense & inclined toward thinking that inaction = suspension of time, that doesn't mean we should get away with it.

There are, however, two notable exceptions: 1) We are actively sleeping in the hospital each night next to a sick family member. In this case, the amygdala is so overwhelmed that remembering why it's a good idea to brush our teeth requires more emotional intelligence than we can muster. 2) We are overly preoccupied with figuring out how to get rid of our younger sister's shitty boyfriend, (a coworker at her new job in DC, perhaps), without alerting the authorities... I'm not going to offer any further comment on this one.

I'm inclined to recommend that, at the seven day mark, you should forget about appearing needy, giving him space, etc., and bug the hell out of him until he tells you otherwise. I know it may seem counterintuitive, but answering the phone when it rings is a whole lot easier than calling you back. Especially when he suspects that it would have been better for you both if he had called several days ago. He might really need to talk, while also being clueless about how to express what's been going down...

Lots of guys, myself included, feel like they need to have a succinct way of expressing exactly what has been happening. Not so much because we need to communicate it well, but because we're constantly trying to develop a narrative that makes sense to us.

Sorry if I'm overreaching. It's just the main thought I've been having as I've read your posts over the last several days. For whatever it's worth, I figure it's about time to start contributing a bit.

I absolutely love reading your posts, HP, and wish you nothing but the best.

3:06 PM  
Blogger Hey Pretty said...

Well, the situation is one of the two that you laid out, Enorieos. And your advice is certainly interesting, and in fact, goes against every grain of my instinct. So in situations like that, what can be said for the person having a hard time taking a million years to respond to your calls but immediatley responding with witty banter when another woman contacts him? Does that also fall into the brain messed up by stress, not thinking straight behavior?

3:12 PM  
Blogger Jason said...

Guilty. So very guilty of this.

3:25 PM  

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