Worst Case Scenario
I love how girls, myself included, heck, I could be crowned the queen of this phenomenon, get all anxious and borderline crazy when they suspect (note careful selection of that term) that something is amiss with their relationships. It seems to happen so often we should all be used to it by now.
You know the drill.
Girl meets boy, they hit it off, things start up, things go well....BOOM! Rough spot.
Girl waits for boy to call, is greeted with silence. Girl emails fifty of her closest friends for advise, they remind her she's nuts, girl calls boy, more silence.
And so on and so forth.
Girl starts to brood over all the terrible developments that may or may not be about to happen. Girl begins to wonder if they're about to breakup. Girl infers a whole lot of drama into a situation that really isn't all that dramatic. Girl frets some more about the hypothetical breakup.
Meanwhile, Boy is dealing with some life crisis like a sick parent, or his fantasy football team not doing that well. Boy retreats into himself, sits on sofa, most likely drinks a beer while scratching himself. And the irony of this whole thing is that Girl has made herself sick. Girl worries that the relationship is over. So let's say that it is, or that it is indeed about to be. There are in fact, two possible scenarios to choose from.
Scenario One: The current one.
Scenario Two: You break up.
Neither is that appealing, are they? But in the former, Girl is driving herself and those around her mad and sick through constant second-guessing. In the later, she is no longer with Boy, but honestly, what is ever that bad about being single?
Being on the precipice of a breakup is never fun, but what we always forget to think about is how totally fine we are single. Isn't buying a hot new outfit, blow drying your hair, hitting the town with friends and getting free drinks from strange admirers who you can talk for 10 seconds and dismiss so much better than giving yourself an ulcer? Indeed, I think it be. However, we always seem to forget that in the heat of the moment. The worse case scenario isn't the one you think it is. Often times, its actually the one you're in at the moment.
posted by Red Photography @ 9:07 PM
7 Comments:
This is your brain....this is your brain on boys....INSANE
wow - 3 posts in 24 hours! A record! i love it!
HP...I will say that the phenomenon you describe is not peculiar to women. Some men (i.e, me) do that to themselves too. If I don't get a call or an email from a close friend, my first thought is "what did I say to piss them off..." (i.e., they don't "love" me anymore). The truth is that sometimes it just is what it is. I don't know Sailor, so I can't speculate...much. I would venture a guess that in times of stress he may take comfort in introversion as opposed to reaching out. Men are conditioned to keep emotion inside. It may be that he can't or won't reach out to you even though by your previous account you've been a fabulous girlfriend (with fantastic spelling abilities I might add...bravo). Don't rush to judgment. Sometimes, guys need space to figure it out. You're too fabulous for it to be anything else.
That said, I would offer this piece of Lickety Wisdom: If age has taught me one thing about this scenario it's that while you can be too aggressive you can also go the other way (not aggressive enough)...at some point you don't want to do the high school games of "how often should I call/when should I call" etc. DAMMIT! I WANT TO TALK TO SAILOR! In this case, I would say don't get up in his grill but call him and (voicemail or not) say "hey, it's HP, I'm just thinking about you. I'm here for you..."
In the end if he can't accept the basic support of a girlfriend in a tough time then that raises serious long term flags. That's my .02. Of course, I could be an idiot.
You picked the very best word to describe this phenomenon: brood.
For me, it's not so much remembering that being single can be great (and hello, it DEFinitely beats an ulcer) but more, "What if I never find this again?"
THAT thought always gets me into the most trouble. I mean, I don't hold myself as less of a woman b/c of other things I don't have ( my own house, a Pulitzer, matching china) yet as soon as a relationship hits the rocks, I start doubting every aspect of my life. It's crazy...
Good luck. I hope that Sailor isn't permanently mute. I have been through that treatment--you deserve more. I agree w/Lickety Split..major red flag.
Thanks, guys.
Talked to him last night. He's just a bit overwhelmed and distracted by the situation. It really has nothing to do with me. My plan is to continue doing the supportive from afar thing until he wants to accept last night's offer of a free hot meal cooked by me.
I like this post. It's funny how easy it is to lose perspective when we get caught up in a situation, forgetting that either way, we'll be fine.
He must be really preoccupied to not pounce on a home cooked meal.
Wow, how many times have I been there ... my problem is that I will keep myself in said situation for much, much too long before finally doing something about it. Then, when I finally do, it's so liberating! It does sound like the boy, despite his crisis, should at least make half an attempt to communicate with you. He shouldn't be using this situation as a total excuse to ignore you. You are offering support, he can at least act somewhat gracious for that.
Oh my gosh! I hit this EXACT SAME THING last night. Ugh...sometimes, I hate being a girl.
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