Perfume For Hipsters, By Fat Cats

Corporate attempts to commodify youth culture continue. The latest charade? Calvin Klein's latest incarnation of it's mega successful CK One.

The Gen-Xers (oh, I know, ouch) among you probably remember that one. It co-opted the popularity of grunge culture, launched heroine chic, and was aimed at both men and women. It smelled a little like pine trees. I really liked it when I was 17. But give me a break, I came from a sheltered environment and was too naive to know any better.

Well, CK is trying to duplicate the popularity of CK One with CKin2u. According to a company spokesperson, speaking via the New York Times, CKin2u was conceived as a fragrance for the "technosexual generation."

Huh, what's that now? That sound? Oh yeah, that was just sound of all of my skin being eaten by a serious case of the willies. Let us continue.

I wasn't sure what the "technosexual generation" is either. Lucky, he goes on to explain. "Technosexuals" is apparently a new marketing buzz word for young people who use text messaging and blogging in order to meet and arrange hookups.

Yeah, yeah, I know. All the cool kids are doing it these days. But ew. Something about that description kind of makes me want to stop blogging forever and communicate with others only through Morse code. I feel, I dunno. Dirty.

It also makes me feel somewhat ashamed to be even tangentially involved in the practice of professional marketing. Yes, I know. It's Capitalism, get used to it. Corporations have been making a fast buck off of youth culture for zillions of years. I hear ya. Perhaps its just the blatant commodification of young people's sexuality that grosses me out. Navigating the dating/hookup scene is hard enough. Youngsters hardly need some corporate suits in corner offices trying to make a fast buck off of it. For every cool kid who successfully negotiates a late-night tryst via text message, there a dozen others nervously checking their inboxes and wondering why their crush is ignoring them. Do we really need the marketing geniuses at Calvin Klein exploiting this dynamic? Methinks not.

And what about the morning after? Maybe someone should get on that potential gravy train. Why don't we have a fragrance that embodies the giddy uncertainty of what comes after the arranged-by-cell-phone-(most likely) drunken tryst? Can you bottle smudged eye-liner, bed-head, morning breath, discarded condom wrappers, stilted conversation and that glorious moment before the curtain of what-the-fuck-did-I-just-do falls? Because if you can, they probably will.

Not that my own perfume, or anyone's for that matter is 100% noble and pure. These days I am favoring Pomegranate Noir by Jo Malone. It smells like musty old books growing in a forest. By amorous tree sprites. Yes, it's that good.

I'm feeling punchy today. In the comments section tell me what a perfume would smell like if a marketing exec could bottle the essence of you.