What do John Stewart, Robert Downey Jr, Calvin Trillin, Alice Waters and the Guy From This Old House All Have in Common?

Yesterday when I was short on blogging inspiration and asked you all for a topic to write about, Hipster Dork suggested that I compile and share for you my "Desert Island Top 5." According to HD, the following considerations are important for creating such a list: sources of good conversation, sources of food (and/or in my mind, ability to procure food), and sex. I know that some people leave such lists open to figures from any historical period. But that just leaves too many possibilities. So for my list, I am confining my selections to living, breathing humans (much better for conversation and sex, one must note). So, without further ado...

1.) John Stewart. Handsome, witty, liberal and charming, Mr. Stewart would make a fantastic desert island companion. John and I would trade witticisms, smack-talk corrupt political machines, and get busy when we ran out of things to talk about.

Next, I am tempted to list Ellen Degeneris. Also witty and charming, I would appreciate Ms. Degeneris's ability to bring levity to the dire situation of being stranded miles away from civilization. I've always imaged that we'd get along well in real life, with our mutual dorkiness and off-beat senses of humor. However, I don't think I'd want more than one comedian. And Ellen's self-deprecation might begin to grate a bit after a while. So sadly, she's not invited.

The more I think about this, the more it dawns on me that my knee-jerk response is to include mostly actors and comedians. Probably because we have the most exposure to their public images thanks to our lovely media-saturated culture. Sure, I could also list some hottie actors (Robert Downey Jr, that guy from Lost who use to be on Party of Five, Ryan Gosling, Hugh Grant, etc) but that seems too easy. On second thought.

2.) Robert Downey Jr. Yes, I said I wasn't going to pick another "actor-type." I lied. I've had a crush on Mr. Downey Jr since forever ago. When we get bored with the sex (doubtful, but whatevs), he can forage the island for things for us to smoke up and get high from.

3.) Calvin Trillin. I've been a long time fan of his writing since high school when I first started picking through my mom's New Yorker's. Mr. Trillin's commentary on desert-island life would no doubt be enthralling and entertaining. As a story-teller he could also entertain us with some good yarns.

We're gonna get hungry at some point after all that sex, story telling and smoking of the exotic plants. My next pick is:

4.) Alice Waters. Waters made a name for herself in the 80s as the godmother of California haute cuisine with her ground breaking resteraunt, Chez Panise. She has a nack for exploiting the wonderful natural qualities of fresh, local produce and making inventive and yummy dishes from them. I'm sure she could work some magic on whatever plants RD Jr and I don't smoke.

Hmm. Only one more. It would be wonderful to include an artist. Somebody who could make inspiring art out sand and rocks and whatever. I'd love to spend some time with Sally Mann or Sam Taylor Wood. But practicallity is important too so we must include somebody handy enough to build us some strong desert island homes, and possibly even a vessel for transporting ourselves off the island. So...

5.) The guy from This Old House on PBS. I watched this show as a kid but I can't remember who he is or what he looks like. But in terms of crafting us some very sturdy dwellings, I have no doubt he'd perform quite nicely.

And there you have it. I'm tempted to include some musicians there, but I'm not sure what use they'd have sans instruments and I already have two concubines so I don't need another sex slave. Odd, I know.