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Ceci n'est pas une "dating blog."

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Why My Space Is Evil

Because at some point you may decide to track down your first true love. And when you do you will discover that his page is filled with pictures of, and messages from, a lot of really hot chicks. Stripper-hot chicks. Shit.

I haven't blogged much about this particular relationship. It's a tough one to talk about. Being the late bloomer that I am, I didn't fall in love until I was 23. The ex was a few years older, and being a So-Cal preppy party boy, unlike anyone I had ever really met. Initially, I didn't like him. But that eventually changed and I fell. Quite hard in fact. We were both poor and somewhat directionless, and our relationship consisted of being poor, him having multiple life traumas, and me always there to support him through them. I loved him for his affectionate nature and slightly twisted sense of humor. I loved that on the surface you saw a twenty-something Abercrombie acolyte, but beneath it lay a myriad of self conflictions, insecurities, and a very strong sense of irony. I loved that he could love a rebellious east-coast hippy girl. It shouldn't have worked and yet it did. At least for a while. It ended when his commitment issues got the better of him. I cried for a solid month, my friends supplying me with a steady supply of Jack Daniels and cigarettes. Then I threw myself into a series of rebound relationships that I didn't recognize as such until years later. From my experience with him I gained self confidence and the wisdom to recognize co-dependency. And a re-newed love for classic rock.

Years later, I know it's good that it ended. He had problems much too large for me to solve, which shouldn't have been my job anyway. I had to branch out and forge adult friendships without the crutch of a relationship to prop me up. We remain on good terms, emailing every now and then. He finally seems to have his life in order, having traded in unsatisfying DC jobs for law school in California. I am happy for him, yet seeing his new life plastered across My Space so different from the one we shared together is a bit sad. Things change, people change, we move on.

I can appreciate my own good qualities for what they are. Indeed, they're me so I might as well work them. But damn. I did NOT need to see my ex/first true love being licked/rubbed up against by 26 year olds (really, you're 33 aren't they a little young for you?) who look like aspiring porn stars but who are actually law students.

Silver lining: He has gained weight, judging from the facial pudge. And, judging from the photos of him holding empty jello shot containers, he is probably no more mature now than he was when we dated 8 years ago. Once a frat boy, always a frat boy it seems. Le sigh.

7 Comments:

Blogger recovering overachiever said...

That's always rough. I ran into my first love over the summer and it was bad!
At least feel good that you've matured and moved onto bigger and better things.
He seems trapped in fratland, which will be more and more sad as he gets older.

6:58 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

I can't get into My Space. I just can't. I nearly have a heart attack every time I think I see my ex. I don't think it would be healthy to catch up on his life.

Then, again, you now know that you're in the same league with stipper hot chicks. He was yours first.

7:10 PM  
Blogger mist1 said...

I never had a relationship with Jack Daniels, but I did see Jose Cuervo and cigarettes for a few months.

9:54 PM  
Blogger Niels said...

Mmm... I'll be visiting my first love/date/girlfriend in Australia in two weeks. I hadn't even considered the possibility of impending trauma. Maybe I should find myself some stripper law chicks before I leave.

7:09 AM  
Blogger honeykbee said...

I have this theory that they get to 11, maybe 12, and they just get older. No doubt he's just as mature now as he was then.

Still, couldn't agree more-- MySpace is pure evil. Oh the dredge of humanity that's been able to find me there!

8:55 PM  
Blogger Ashburnite said...

ok, I meant to comment on this earlier. I found my ex on Myspace last week. he's engaged and has a kid. bastard.

11:00 PM  
Blogger Buffy said...

The worse thing about Myspace isn't being able to look up people you're just as well not knowing about.

It's when people you're just as well not knowing about decide to look up you that's the bitch.

3:03 PM  

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