When High Heels Bite

Two posts in one day? Oh no you di'n't.

I did.

I'm sorry, I am so white I have no idea how to spell the above conjunction. Again, I apologize for my whiteness. Me, white. Thank you.

It's been a while since I've been able to effectively wear high heels. Back in the day, I was practically famous among my friends for being able to walk effectively in four inch platforms. On my friendster testimonials my friend Alanna even said about me "[HP] is not afraid of high heels, even when they bite."

Well friends, I'm sad to say those days are long gone. Having sprained my ankle twice in the past two years, the thought of a heal higher than two inches fills me with all sorts of dread and panic. I simply can't do it.

I used to really like the added height that heels gave me, and the thought that they possibly made me look slimmer gave me loads more confidence. But recently I've gotten to reassessing this situation.

-Since my last two ankle injuries, the highest heal I've been able to commit to has been two inches. And really, how much slimmer can a heal of two inches make me appear? I really doubt the difference is that pronounced.

-Wearing heals places me in the 5'4" to 5'6" height range. Solidly average and ho-hum. Not wearing heals makes me a petite and adorable 5'2". At least that's distinctive.

-I'm going to have to get my pants hemmed anyway, so it's not like heals make my off-the-rack pants the correct length.

-I'm beginning to think that high heals are causing my calf muscles to bulk up, which isn't very pretty. I come from a long lineage of healthy peasant stock. My legs are genetically programmed to be thick. They don't need more encouragement.

-Ballet flats, my shoe of choice these days, were a sartorial favorite of Coco Chanel and Audrey Hepburn. If they're good enough for Coco and Audrey, they're good enough for me.

-You know what's fun? Walking. You know what's easier to walk in? Ballet flats.

-There's something hip and different about flats. They're a little gamine, a little preppy. Sure, they lack the glamazon sexiness of stilettos, but isn't glamazon sexiness something of an outmoded construct only created by the patriarchy and projected upon women anyway?


None of this is to say that I am giving up on high heals, I'm just really liking the flats these days is all. I'm sure I will always have girlfriends who will criticize the fact that I don't wear shoes that are sufficiently "girly." But hey, I grew up on a dirt road in the middle of the woods. You all should be glad I don't wear a flannel shirt and overalls to work everyday. And when you're as accident prone as I am, you need all the defenses you can muster. Flats are mine.