And Now For Something A Little Sunnier

Sorry about those downer blog posts, kids. Suffice to say I was in a gloomy kind of mood--the kind that inspires much navel-gazing and complaining. But I've emerged and I'm feeling a lot sunnier. Still not perfect, mind you, but better. Tuesday night, when I was fully entrenched in my Daria moment, I even made a list of personal goals. These are nothing like the action items I mentioned last week (few of which I fulfilled, FYI). They were more like things I intend to improve about myself. At the risk of being a full-on narcissist, I will not share the entire list. But here is the main gist of it: being more positive and less-self centered. I'm not sure how one fully realizes either, but I'm looking into it. For now, simply being friendlier, and less me-me-me is a start. There are others, but I'm not quite ready to share them.

Also lovely was sitting outside on my front steps last night with my lovely roommate and several of his lovely friends. We drank wine and ate cheese, and more importantly they entertained me and made me laugh, something I didn't realize I needed, but had obviously been lacking in my week.

I'm still feeling a little sad about that boy, not because I'm getting attached to him as some of your predicted, but because I'm understanding his personality more and I don't think it's really all that good. It's simply sad when you learn more about a person's nature and it isn't as pure or positive or kind as you would have liked. Feeling let down by another human is one of the worst kinds of disappointment you can endure, I think. And that has happened to me so much this year that it's been feeling like a reoccurring theme.

But on the upside, I've made friends with so many bright and beautiful new souls, seen otherwise unnoticed good in some I already knew, and connected randomly with a couple mysterious new characters, that I suppose in the end it all balances out. Just like it should.

Changes in the bearings of one's social life are always traumatic. Especially among people like me--young and social, single, living far away from my already fractured family. It's not like I have a husband or a mom to go home to at the end of the day to get a hug from or receive some sort of positive guidance. I'm not religious, so I can't really call on a spiritual entity either. I have myself, my art and books, but at the end of the day, my friends are what provides the external support system--the bracing that holds these walls in place.

I said this post was going to be sunnier, didn't I?

-I have the song Lovely Day by Bill Withers stuck in my head, although for no particular reason.
-I am wearing jeans that haven't fit in a long time.
-Tomorrow I am eschewing the whole bar scene and hosting a casual get-together at my house--wine, games and the like.
-I have been on-time or early for work twice this week (yes, this is good, I'm usually late).
-The weather is absolutely perfect today.
-I have only spent 55 dollars this week (soon to change with my hostessing responsibilities coming up...)

Lastly, I really wanted to quote part of a poem I really like--An Atlas of the Difficult World, by Adrienne Rich. But I can't find the exact line I am looking for. So instead, I will connect you with this one instead, which is almost as good.