hey pretty

Ceci n'est pas une "dating blog."

Friday, June 08, 2007

Not The Logan to My Veronica, But It'll Do...

"I'll be over a bit later," I told him over email. "I need to run home and shower and change. I'm not representing very well on the hotness scale right now, and if I am to see you, I'd rather do it in an outfit that devastates."

Last minute plans are rare in the context of our friendship, if you can call it that, this dance we've been doing since mid-January. Normally plans are hatched after weeks of silence, a week or two ahead of time. I spend the day of participating in various grooming rituals, planning what I will wear, coming up with a good backup in case Outfit A somehow backfires, my stomach in knots all the while. Before we meet up I do a shot of whisky and smoke a Parliament Light, my way of taking the edge off.

Until yesterday it was unheard of for him to request my company with such little advance notice. But after Wednesday's reunion everything was a bit off-kilter. Epic emails were exchanged Thursday afternoon. The ones of the "I can't handle a relationship" variety (him) and the "I'm not in love with you nor do I plan to be in the near future" variety (me). After 5 months of ambiguity, our relationship was finally defined: friends with a little extra. Given my ambivalence towards all things romantic these days, this seems like a nice temporary solution. I have ingested no whisky, but I did borrow a beer from one of my roommates (yes, I will get you back--thanks for having so much beer).

In a tight red tee complimenting both my slight tan and my natural assets, and my new outrageously expensive jeans (that actually manage to flatter my curves--amazing), I sauntered into his apartment. "That outfit devastates" I hear him say behind me, one of the only true compliments he has ever given me in regards to my appearance (I think "cute" was the other--a descriptor I often tire of. I'd take sexy or unique over cute any day). A small studio with barely enough room to contain his bed and his desk, I set about doing some housekeeping. Listen, when you're bed doubles as your sofa, you can't invite a woman over and have it unmade. No lady likes to lounge on an unmade bed, even if she is essentially only visiting you to makeout with you and you both know it. The lighting is crappy, no music is playing. I request some ambiance. He dims the lights, puts on some tunes. "Not the bitter mix," I say. "I can't hang out with you and listen to a mix you made expressing your sentiments towards another woman. And that Ryan Adams song makes me want to slit my wrists." He complies.

A lady does not kiss and tell (very much), so that is as much of a recap as I am willing to provide. The evening was nice. Having laid a gentle smack down on him with my I-do-not-love-you email, I noticed a definite shift in my feelings towards him. Way less emotional, way less worried about saying or doing the wrong thing. But less passion too, but maybe that's better. Passion messes with your head. Passion makes you do stupid things like send snippy emails and text messages. Passion gets you attached. Attached is not something I can be with this one. I am removed, distant, airy to the point of flippancy. I deliver off-handed compliments but follow them up with casual put-downs. Intellectual acrobatics, teasing insults as foreplay.

Looking at his eyes I see for the first time that they're the same greenish bluish shade as mine.

And in other news, this weekend promises to devastate. Happy hour tonight, followed by a possible outing to Wonderland. Brunch with the gals tomorrow, the band Califone at the Rock and Roll Hotel at night. Kickball all day on Sunday, hopefully with a chance to work out, do laundry and see a movie mixed in.

Oh, and my set up? The one I was super excited about? He disappeared into the ether. According to my married friends who set us up, he is dating his college crush. "She's not nearly as cute as you," she said. Hmph! As happy as I am for him that he's found himself a nice girl, a cursory explanation from him would have been nice. Boys these days.


Blogger Kristin said...

Here's to devastation!

6:11 PM  
Anonymous princepurple said...

ha! oh, how you lie to yourself. things always start this way. you keep this up, you WILL get attached. how old are you? how many times have you done this? for this long? oh, you're doomed.

6:42 PM  
Blogger Freewheel said...

Based on your comment about his eyes, I totally agree with princepurple.

Good luck, Veronica.

7:27 PM  
Blogger Hey Pretty said...

Come on guys, cut me some slack.

7:31 PM  
Anonymous 123Valerie said...

Who is this Prince Purple character? As your friend and an eternal optimist, I take serious offense to that comment.

Prince Purple, perhaps you were one of the few people in this world whose first relationship was perfect and evolved to a life-long match. But, the test of us were not so lucky.

Miss Kate, you're only doomed when you stop trying, my dear.

Onward and upward, I always say. And if you can enjoy some pleasures of the flesh while you hunt for true love, then you should.

I leave you with a hearty, "Girl, you know it's true."

P.S. Real princes have the courtesy to leave a link so those of us who are "doomed" can read about your perfect relationships and perhaps follow your path to romantic enlightenment.

8:16 PM  
Blogger jess said...

I say 'amen' to Kristin and 123Val's comments.

I like my life rocky and confusing and imperfect as it is. HP is just being honest about how things go for a girl in this town, this life, with these boys.

Here's to the courage to be, as Rilo Kiley says, 'more adventurous.'

2:25 PM  
Blogger Jason said...

What an interesting coincidence that Jess would mention Rilo Kiley. I am quite sure I heard "Portions For Foxes" playing in the background as I read this post.

11:33 AM  
Blogger Hey Pretty said...

The comments I've received on this post are such an interesting illustration on gender attitudes.

And Portion for Foxes? Seriously J, did you have to go there?

1:59 PM  
Blogger Freewheel said...

For the record, I was only agreeing with princepurple's comment that "you will get attached." Nothing about a perfect relationship, whatever that may be.

Off topic: it sucks that Veronica Mars has been canceled.

3:18 PM  
Anonymous prince purple said...

who said anything about perfection? from what i can see you've been seeing this guy (off and on) for some time now. and from my experience (and i've never seen perfection), things never just "stay the same." they either go up or they go down... so if you keep seeing this guy more frequently, and keep on liking it, and "looking at his eyes..." then, things are on the way up.

and attachment follows. would you be satisfied if, a year from now, you were in the same spot? of course not. so don't fool yourself: if you keep this up, you will get attached. of course, you could turn right around and stop seeing him. and then you would not get attached. but it sounds like you are on the way to attachment to me.

that's my experience talking. it's not about gender. you could be a pretty man for all i care. (i know you're not.) it's just the way humans interact.

girl, you know it's true.

6:14 PM  
Blogger Shannon said...

I'm with princepurple on this one. This guy isn't giving you what you want, and he's been very clear and honest with you about the fact that he doesn't want a relationship. Pretending that you don't want one, either, can lead to heartbreak, shopping sprees and ill-advised drunken text messages. (Yeah, I've been there.)

As I always tell my friends: you have a lot to offer. If someone isn't buying what you're selling, find a way to move on. Don't sell yourself short for some short-term fun.

6:26 PM  
Blogger Hey Pretty said...

I sort of hate that I even wrote this entry. Look: Yes, I want a relationship. No, I do not want a relationship with him, an emotional defective who just happens to be rather hot. But since he's here, and nobody else is interested, he's filler until something better comes along.

6:35 PM  
Anonymous princepurple said...

hp--the thing is that no "casual" relationship stays that way forever, or even for very long, especially when casual meets consistent. besides, if there is no passion in something, it just gets repeditive and boring.

i think you'll either get bored before that "something better" arrives, or you'll find yourself in some unwanted attachment, (on way or another,) but it certainly will not stay the way it is now. nothing ever does.

10:42 PM  
Blogger Jason said...

It had to be done -- I went there.

11:29 AM  

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