God 1, HP 0

Just in time for the weekend, my lower lip has erupted with a cold sore. Gross. Now before you snicker and point out that cold sores are herpes, let me say that yes, you are correct, cold sores are herpes. Simplex 1. Or HSV1 as those of us in the know like to call it. So take your judgment elsewhere, thank you. Did you know that between 50 to 80% of the US Population carries HSV1? Fun fact.

I can't remember a time in my life when I didn't get these damn things. It's usually once a year or so. And here I was, smoking less, drinking less, eating really good food, doing yoga, sleeping, and drinking tons of water and my body's reward for all that? Totally unfair.

I believe this is God smiting me. He clearly does not want me to hookup or meet the man of my dreams this weekend. And I've been SOOO well behaved in that department for AGES now. I haven't done anything inappropriate with anyone in I can't even remember how long. I have been the picture of virtue and purity. Not that I haven't been tempted. I have, but I have resisted temptation. Isn't that a sign of adulthood right there--rejecting an immediately gratifying situation because it could lead to trouble later on down the road? I think it is. The HP of 12 months ago would have scoffed at such a level-headed, old fogeyish approach to life. But the wise HP of current day knows that sex with the wrong people only leads to tarnished reputations, awkward morning-after conversations, lectures from your settled-down friends, and an ever growing list of bars that one cannot comfortably frequent. See? This old dog may be a stubborn one, but she slowly catches on. Anyway.

Perhaps God does want me to meet the man of my dreams this weekend, and this cold sore is a test. Perhaps God is testing him (whoever he may be) to see if he's unshallow enough to overlook a temporary lip deformity.

Or maybe there's no greater power at work here (surely God has better things to do than to pull strings in my love life, what with all the chaos in the world these days) and it's simply crappy timing. Situations like this always serve to remind me that I'm agnostic anyway.

Since taking charge is generally the best way to feel better about a bad situation, that is what I am doing. And for those of you who share my affliction, I am including below my folk remedy for curing cold sores:

1.) 1000 mg of Lysine, 3 times a day
2.) Liberal applications of Abreva whenever possible. At 17 dollars for .07 ounces, Abreva might as well be liquid gold. But it works a trillion times better than any other OTC remedy I have tried. Speeds recovery time by a lot. Don't ask me exactly how much, but quite a bit.
3.) Lots of eye makeup (I chose sparkly blue Nars eye liner) and a sexy outfit (tonight's H&M plunging neckline + Franco Sarto peeped toes 3+ inch heels extravaganza) to distract eyes away from mouth.

And avoid kissing anyone for a few days. Tall order, I know. Hmmph!