Oh What a Tangled, Tangled Web
Last night was yet another night that I will look back on for some time and question if it really all happened. For example:
-Was my ex really at the same bar as me?
-Did he really bring a date to what appeared to be a young Republican's meeting?
[I will say that it was quite fortunate that I was surrounded by cute younger guys at the moment ex was standing 5 feet away from me and that one of them happened to have his arm around my waist.]
-Did I really run into married guy?
-Shoot I did. Did we really have a conversation about our relationship and what it can be without it being really bad?
-Yup. Did we really not resolve anything?
Married guy is quite the perplexing situation, one I don't exactly know what to do with. I know him through Date, Lulu's man. We clearly like one another quite a bit, and as Lulu told me just now over email "he looks at you with such adoration in his eyes." Well yes he does, but he's taken. Taken as in no longer wears his wedding ring, often sleeps on the sofa, takes separate vacations than his wife, clearly got married too young but is sticking it out for whatever reason compels people to soldier through bad relationships. That kind of taken. I can't even begin to relate to his situation. But the chemistry is there.
Said married guy: I always hope to run into you and I'm always so happy when I do. I really want to hang out with you but I don't know how to.
Me: blah, blah, blah, something, something, something. In all honesty, I simply don't trust you.
The question of the day, dear members of the Peanut Gallery is this: How can an unhappily married guy and a single woman who like one another and are very attracted to one another spend time together without committing any sort of transgression that would hurt any of the involved parties (wife included)? I don't think it's possible.
I don't need his attention. I can get attention in plenty of other places. And it's super uncool of him to drag me into the bullshit drama that is his personal life. But maybe I have slightly more power here than I think. But maybe I don't. Do we think that due to his slightly tenuous grasp of relationship morals, he may not be worth wasting energy on? If he's willing to do whatever this is with me, what is he capable of doing to me? Oh, but did I mention that I like him? And that he likes me?
.........
In other news, the boy from Wednesday wrote back saying he had fun too, but no mention of future plans. Should I just be a big girl and ask him out? He wouldn't have written back if he wasn't into it, right? He isn't married, which is an enourmous plus right now.
posted by Red Photography @ 2:36 PM
5 Comments:
Wow... sounds like a lot happened after I went to the back room last night.
As for the married guy: you're right, no good can come of it for anyone involved. If he's unhappy enough to emotionally cheat on his wife, then he's got way too much baggage and can't be good for you.
Your Q.:
How can an unhappily married guy and a single woman who like one another and are very attracted to one another spend time together without committing any sort of transgression that would hurt any of the involved parties (wife included)? I don't think it's possible.
My A:
This is just me talkin', mind you, but I think that spending time together IS a transgression. Under the circumstances, some level of emotional intimacy between you is inevitable. And that counts as cheating.
I say take the boy from Wednesday out.
yes, you are both right. whether i will heed your warning remains to be seen.
re: Wed night. Not gonna happen, I just decided.
As a married man whose been in this sort of situation I can tell you that no true good can come of it. You are allowing yourself to be tempted into it even if your intentions are good.
The fact is that at a minimum his wife should know about it. Even in that case, there is no meaningful way that he can be a part of your life without hurting someone. The easiest person to hurt in that situation would be you and that isn't fair to you. We have chemistry with all sorts of people in our lives but the fact that he swore that whole "honor, love, cherish til death do us part" thing is not to be taken lightly.
Stand your ground girlfriend....if he's THAT unhappy then he should cut ties before shopping around. Your self esteem seems far too good for someone to tempt you into being used.
You deserve the full attention of a guy when he has no attachment, regardless of how strained.
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