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Ceci n'est pas une "dating blog."

Monday, June 04, 2007

Under My Skin

Certain people have a distinct talent for getting under my skin. Rather, certain men possess that talent. Last week I decided it was time to take a little hiatus from the dating. The number of rants I've published in recent months on this blog alone is testament to the fact that men are driving me a bit nutty. I've simply been wasting way too much emotional energy on wondering when so-and-so will call, why he didn't call, who he is preferring to call instead. I had an epiphany of sorts a few days ago when I realized how many wonderful friends I have for companionship, and even what great company I am for myself. Since dating was only compounding my natural tendency towards moodiness and semi-obsessive introspection, I decided that the time has come to take a small break.

For how long? Until the prospect of returning to it doesn't make me want to curl up in the fetal position, or until somebody really good comes along to make it all worthwhile. Since those have been few and far between in recent days, I foresee a healthy break ahead of me.

I am also taking this hiatus as a chance to assess what has been working in my romantic life, and what hasn't. Earlier today, I got to reflecting on the types of personalities I tend to be attracted to, all of their irritating characteristics, and whether I will ever grow up and learn to like nice, "normal" men. There's a certain someone in my life right now who in all honesty, is driving me completely crazy. Somebody who I should not in any way be attracted to, who seems to know exactly which buttons to push to both annoy and intrigue me. Another pride and prejudice relationship, as darling EJ so aptly calls them. Reflecting upon the utter annoyingness/hotness of said individual, it occurred to me that he is one in a long string of would-be suitors who possess similar traits. In no particular order, men who display the following characteristics and quirks have a better than 70% chance of turning me all angsty and naval-gazing:

-Unpredictable invasions of my personal space. You did not just reach into my dress and the strap of my bra where I have been storing my lighter because my dress doesn't have pockets. Oh wait, you did. With a devilish gleam in your eye for that matter. Stop that. No wait, do it again. No stop. F*ck. I can't decide.

-Disappear for a month but resurface with a really good excuse as to why you were MIA for so long. Oh, you were having emotional problems? That's so deep. Here, let me cook you dinner and gently probe your psyche and offer to fix all your problems for you.

-What's that you say? There's a considerably-sized chunk of your personal history you don't care to share with me? How mysterious. Here, let me buy you a beer so I can ask you a bunch of questions that circle the issue but never fully address it.

-Fully enjoy adult beverages. Like, enjoy them a lot. A whole lot. Whisky shots on a Sunday night? How hot. Yes, let's do several. What's that you say? You keep a bottle of vodka in your desk drawer? Would I care to drink some with you? Not really, okay yes. No, no I would not.

-Startles at the thought of commitment. You're in the military and shipping out overseas in six months? How retro and romantic. You just got out of a long-term relationship and are too "scarred" to get involved again? Oh, you poor thing. Let me nurture you back to datability.

The fact remains that I enjoy the company of men who are witty, charming, good-looking, intelligent, and moderately rebellious. But like all attractive personality characteristics, these often (or always) seem to come with their fair share of mood-killers. When entertaining the possibility of dating a new gentleman, these traits must be carefully weighed, and certain reasonable expectations must be placed on what is considered a "deal breaker." I know I posted a list of what I considered to be deal breakers about a year ago, and since then, I've learned to be a little more flexible. For instance, I've gotten over my "must be a liberal" requirement, and hence, dated two Republicans last year. These relationships didn't last, but not because of our political differences. Well, perhaps the fact that I detest Rick Santorum and have no plans to ever give up my career to home-school my children might have been a factor in being unceremoniously discarded by one. But that was his issue, not mine.

Like I said last week, I am learning to accept the fact that I may just be responsible for attracting said characters. Hey, we all make choices, right? I've accepted the terms of enough ambiguous relationships in the past year to understand that it's time I accept a little more accountability for my dating disasters. So over the next several weeks or months, as I take a breather from the fun world that is the DC dating scene, as I eschew first dates for reading the Grapes of Wrath and all the other books on my to-read list, I intend to isolate specifically what traits unite the cads I have known and loved, and learn to avoid them in the future at all costs.

More on this later, I am quite sure.

In the comments section tell me what unfortunate character traits you find utterly hot in your crushes.

6 Comments:

Blogger Jason said...

So, you're trading in DC scensters for Tom Joad?

11:20 AM  
Blogger Ryane said...

Mine aren't all that original--in fact, some are yours: The MIA thing...yeah, that usually gets me. The ambiguously available guy...un-huh: I usually get caught up in his allure, as well. Wow. And who said dating is a grind, anyway?? haha. OH wait. That would've been me...;-)

11:49 AM  
Blogger Matt said...

"the strap of my bra where I have been storing my lighter because my dress doesn't have pockets."

Always a class act, Kate. :)

I only date women who can prove a pre-existing relationship with a therapist and who spend outrageous amounts of money throwing their dogs a birthday party.

2:56 PM  
Blogger H said...

oh i feel you on everything you said here. and why is it that we can't get away from the ones who drive us crazy? its like a addiction. a destructive addiction that feels so good. haha. and yes, i like the ones that disappear and then reappear and for some reason that is so attractive. also i like the ones that are jerks at least 25% of the time. why? the abuse. i like it or something.

3:48 PM  
Blogger Belle said...

He's emotionally unavailable. He exhibits some forms of antisocial behavior. He's bat-shit-crazy.

Ugh. I'm a dating break, too. Welcome to the book club!

6:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Summer is the absolute best time to be single anyway.

I would add the guys who want what they can't have (aka myself)... and then run away as soon as they get it. Absolutely irresistable to me, I think it's the fact that that type of guy is always up for a challenge.

6:57 PM  

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