hey pretty

Ceci n'est pas une "dating blog."

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Karma Chameleon

I played hooky from work on Monday. I didn't have much of a reason for this decision. I was not hung-over, more disillusioned with my job than usual, or suffering from any physical maladies. I simply didn't feel like going. When my alarm went off at its appointed time, I played my usual rounds of snooze bar roulette before finally turning it off for good at 7:30. I slept for 2 more hours and then fired off an email to my boss telling her I wasn't feeling well and that I'd be sleeping and working from home for the rest of the day.

My day was a good one consisting of many fine activities including yelling at the construction workers who have been stealing our parking for the last several weeks. A sample of that conversation goes as follows:

Construction Worker: Can you move that moving van parked behind your house?
Me: You mean the van parked in our spaces that we pay for that you regularly use without our permission? I don't think so. And as long as we're talking, I don't appreciate being woken up at 8:00 am on Saturdays with your drilling and hammering either.

There was also a trip to the gym, which I had almost entirely to myself; some takeout sushi for lunch from Tono; a jaunt to the Whole Foods; and several hours of outdoor time with a glass of wine and Sunday's New York Times. In short, it was a nice day. Nothing Ferris Bueller would be especially impressed by, but I did what I wanted, when I wanted.

But since then, karma has caught up with me. I blame my parents for my almost crippling dependency on karma. Throughout my childhood it was constantly drilled into my head that whatever I did would come back to me a million-fold if I wasn't careful. It's resulted in a bit of a guilt complex.

First there was my date last night with boring lawyer guy (BLG). BLG was perfectly charming over email, wildly funny, even. And the photos I saw of him suggested that he'd be cute in a blond preppy kind of way. I was extremely excited to meet him thinking I had finally found the perfectly disheveled preppy guy with a good sense of sarcasm, an appreciation for irony, a liberal mindset and a slight wild streak. Wrong-o. BLG was a total clone of thousands of other young-30 something men in DC. You know the type--average height, a little stocky, boring facial features. The ones whose idea of a good first date is drilling you about what jobs you've had for every minute you've been in the city, who can't understand why somebody would just move somewhere on a whim, who certainly aren't particularly funny or unique in real life. The ones who are all suited up with no place to go.

BLG downed three beers in the 90 minutes that we spent together and made up some reason to cut out around 8:00 pm. Lame. I'm beginning to think that there are no appropriate boyfriends for me in this area. I need somebody a bit artsy and cultured without being totally pretentious about it; dryly funny; liberal without being a drum-beating patchouli-soaked hippy; gainfully employed but not career-obsessed; and cute. He doesn't even have to drop-dead gorgeous nor does he need to be rich. You got that, universe? In case there was a confusion, that's what I'm after. Okay, now that we've cleared that up....God, that paragraph was rather obnoxious wasn't it? I've never considered myself to be rigid in my dating standards, in fact, recently I've been pretty flexible. I've never wanted to be that girl who only dates men who fall within a rigid mold. And I'm not, but in an *ideal* world, that's what I hope to find. Okay, moving on...

Karma really got to me this morning though, when I looked in the mirror before my shower to realize I was once again suffering from puffy eyelid syndrome. This happens once every couple of years. My left eyelid swells up for day and during that day, I withstand funny looks from my friends and co-workers and people remark that I look "different, somehow." I usually wear my reading glasses all day when this happens, the frames of which semi-obscure the issue. I expect this to be healed by tomorrow.

Oh, and my Gmail is totally f*cked today.

I'm convinced this is payback for lying to my boss, which I understand to be a terrible thing to do. Yes universe, I read you loud and clear.

I have high expectations for the rest of the week. Tomorrow I have yet another date, and Friday is chock-filled with about four different social activities. Moreover, a certain inappropriate so-and-so seems to be angling for some special alone time, a rarity in our relationship. Normally he just pounces when drunk, but now he's making pains to tell me how pretty I look in my client-meeting-at-work ensembles and IMing to ensure that I'll be at certain drinking activities. I can't imagine what he has up his sleeve this time, but I'm looking forward to being buttered up a bit more as I find out.

Then Saturday is shopping, a baseball game and a party.

Hopefully the universe believes I have paid my dues and doesn't throw any more of wild curve balls. With my luck, they'd be likely to break my nose.



Blogger lorelai236 said...

So, karmically speaking, which do you think is the worse offense? Lying to your boss, or lying to your Mom? I've been guilty of both in the past few days.

5:59 PM  
Blogger Matt said...

You should go to Scott's party. There's going to be a sketch artist there.

6:09 PM  
Blogger Hey Pretty said...

L, I think lying to your mom is worse. Or so I've been told by mine. According to my mom, lying to your mom is the worst offense ever, in the entire history of the planet.

M: Yes, I know. I'm going to try to make it. After I stop bitching that everyone and their mom decided to plan a social event for this Friday. I'll get there late though. After the sketchiness, ha ha.

9:31 PM  
Blogger Lickety Split said...


I would say first that I am glad you took some "me time". We all need that from time to time and I am thinking I may follow suit but I am just that bastard who hasn't called out sick in three and a half years. (and that was when I was dumped...not sick in the true sense).

As for BLG...don't worry. Just remember, he'll have to look at himself in the mirror for the rest of his life. No one has a long list of successful relationships just failed ones. You'll get it right.....you're too cool not to. Remember, you're as much of a catch as that guy you're waiting for. Don't settle for less.

2:00 AM  
Blogger Ryane said...

With that eyelid puffiness, your karmic debt has to be paid. This is way off the point, but you could try putting a warmish (but not hot) tea-bag on your eyelid--it should help w/the puffiness. Or, soak a washcloth in tea and do the same thing.

Anyway, I was rolling w/laughter at this comment, "drum-beating, patchouli-soaked hippy"...that is hilarious. Karma sure can be interesting though...

12:16 PM  
Blogger Ryane said...

PS: Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, for telling the construction workers in our neighborhood where to go! I never thought I would say this, but I will be SO GLAD to see traffic/parking return to it's normal addled state on Connecticut Ave.

12:18 PM  
Blogger Flenker said...

That karma's a bitch. But eventually it has to swing back around to your side, doesn't it? I mean, you're going to a baseball game this weekend, how bad could the future be?! :)

3:05 PM  
Blogger Erica said...

You know, last year I was in NYC for a show around St Pats. Walking with another man, I still got twirled around and spoken to by no less than 3 lovely handsome men our age. Then I came back here and it was like hitting a brick wall.

It's definitely not us, which I know you know. But just so you know...

Great meeting you at the HH. Hope to chat more when I'm there a bit longer...

5:33 PM  

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